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[24 Sep 2004|11:40pm] Okay I feel like I need a little rant... so yea.. pointless ramblings -yay-. Anyways, recently I have gained an obscene amount of weight.. im the largest ive ever been.. but ive been feeling like im not good enough to even try.. because if i try im getting myself the option to actually succeed and im not a good enough person to be happy. I know its weird... I know i should throw my fat lardy self onto the floor and do crunchs or something, anything, but i cant bring myself to do it.. and then i get mad at myself for not doing anything... its so confusing. I dont know what to do. My parents are always watching me.. and i have a fucked up brain.. nad... gar.. i think the world would be alot better off if i wasnt ever born.. no one wants to have to deal with such a huge fuck up.. im sorry for this poitless blob.. i just really need an outlet.. thanks... 1 l o s t that p o u n d f a c e the s c a l e

the return [29 Jun 2004|12:49am] I decided that I want a more private journal. I always feel more open with people that I dont know in real life. My other journal is known by all my closest friends and I cant really be myself with anything relating to my life, esspecially about my body or problems with them, whithout hearing about it the next day. Imgoing to start using this journal fully again because, honestly, I need a place to let all my feelings out without worrying about causing problems with my friends. It is just really bugging me how I try and talk about something deeper than my weekend plans without them sharing their own views on my problems and concerns and how their way is the correct one. Well, yea. Ill let you guys go. :-D f a c e the s c a l e

[28 Jan 2004|09:16pm] So i dont really use this journal anymore... so yea. whoot go me. 2 l o s t that p o u n d f a c e the s c a l e

Yea [29 Nov 2003|12:35am] well im going to make a few entries public to give yall a taste to see if you really want to be bothered with me. basicly, i am a cow, im never happy with myself, and want to be better. But now im going to go sleep like there is no tomarrow. Tomarrow consists of sleep, read, computer, sleep, sleep, sleep, homework, read, sleep. Nice, eh? night 4 l o s t that p o u n d f a c e the s c a l e

Hmm... [18 Nov 2003|10:09am] [ mood | crushed ] Well today I found out that this girl in my english class is going out with a guy from my Japanese class. She is not that nice, and she is not that pretty. She is an okay student and is decent to me. He is a nice guy and okay looking aswell, but he is an outstanding student. I was thinking today whilst I sit in class about this. She is thin. Gorgeously thin. The epitimy of thinness and the example of what I wish I looked like. It isnt that I am some weird love sick freak that thinks the only way to get someone is to be thin, I just want to make myself feel better. I need a new approuch. Since the fires down here in southern california I have been slacking and not into it all. That week off school was when I started and kinda fell out of my plans. I need help. I seriously think I am going to go crazy with anger for being a cow. HELP. Will someone give me ideas for getting thin. It isnt working for me. I need a plan that can be easily hidden and so my parents wont find out. Something that is fairly easy to stick to. Someone. Please. 1 l o s t that p o u n d f a c e the s c a l e

Sorry [11 Nov 2003|09:49pm] Friends ONLY. This journal will never be taken off friends only. Ever. Leave a comment if you want in. f a c e the s c a l e

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